|O, brave internet daters. You can find a million articles and advice columns on how hard and exhausting and plain miserable it is out there in the world of dating, particularly internet dating, where so much information can be contrived and positively-lighted away from reality. |
|But I beg to differ. No more of this woe-is-us nonsense. Dating is fun. Being single is fun. Yes, there are the occasional lonely nights and miserable family events where it would be great to have someone on your arm but in general, being unattached adds a new dimension of unpredictability to life that relationship-bound folks just can’t enjoy. |
The sweetest part of that unpredictability is the occasional (or more regular, depending on how social of a creature you are) introduction of a new person. And maybe this person is cute. And interesting. And single. And in turn, thinks you’re cute and interesting. Game time.
Now, even with the best of intentions, sometimes there’s just no way a happy future in Couplehood exists between you and someone you’re attracted to. Depending on what you want from a relationship and how firmly set you are on not deviating from that path, this combination of chemistry without compatibility can be a pretty wonderful thing, if viewed and dealt with properly.
Just because someone isn’t going to be the next love of your life, does that mean they can’t be the lust of your night? Like I said, unpredictable. Embrace it. If your goal is to one day not be single, the days of brief sexual encounters with amazing persons are limited.
So maybe you go out with someone promising and all the attraction under the sun is sitting there between you but because of certain key red flags, it only takes you halfway through the salad course to realize this guy isn’t your soul mate.
This is a crucial moment in the evening. You can go one of two ways: politely finish the date, enjoy the company and say your goodbyes…or switch into vixen mode, flirt it up, and gear up for a night of nothing-to-lose fun. If the latter choice is your cup of tea, listen up. There are some rules to this game:
1 – Thou Shalt Not Call a Rose By Any Other Name
Be prepared to make this a one-time thing. If your brain already knows this isn’t the person for you, don’t let your post-coital hormones convince you that you’re falling in love.
2 – Thou Shalt Not Take It To Thine Own Turf
Go to their place. Be the guest star.
3 – Thou Shalt Be Unabashedly Un-self-conscious
The nice thing about having no serious intentions towards a sexy time friend is that you don’t have to worry about what they might think of your bedroom behavior. This is the playground for experimentation. Go for it.
4 – Thou Shalt Make a Graceful Exit
I say, spend the night. If they invite you to their place and everyone’s intentions (either spoken or flirtatiously implied) are clear, they would be the tactless jerk of the year to not expect you to spend the night.
Spend the night, perhaps stay for coffee and then bow out. Leave quickly enough so that your sexy night-before persona is burned in their brain, not the tired morning after version. But don’t sex-and-split either. Like all parts of a one-night stand, it’s a graceful balancing act. This type of rendezvous should be classy, not trashy.
5 – Thou Shalt Feel No Guilt
There is an unavoidable stigma associated with one-night stands and casual sex in general. Not only do I propose that there really is no such thing as casual sex (casual? Really? With all those hormones and emotions involved?), but also that no one should pay any mind to social preconceptions regarding what constitutes acceptable sexual behavior.
Evaluate each situation on its own merits and your own feelings. Do what seems right and don’t be afraid to just have fun. As long as you’re safe and honest, it’s nothing but a (hopefully) enjoyable learning experience.
By Jessie Bee