| When it comes to keeping a marriage together, it is usually the wife who accepts the challenge of trying to keep the marriage happy and intact. As a result, many woman lay awake at night wondering why men leave their wives and worrying about how to keep that from happening to them. |
| Current statistics are not encouraging; at least half of all marriages end in divorce, many sooner rather than later, with serious consequences not only to children but to both spouses as well. Often this is because the husband has decided to walk out on the relationship which ends in divorce. So why does this happen? I think many people suffer from a common misperception on why this is. Men and women are not necessarily all that much different in what they expect out of a marriage. Both have certain needs they would like to see fulfilled and will be unhappy and discontented if they are not fulfilled. Unhappiness and discontent can be why men leave their wives. Lest there be any misunderstanding, I am not speaking of just sexual needs. A common misperception is that men want only that one need fulfilled and that many women could care less about their own sexual needs. The truth is that society encourages men to fulfill their sexual need without regard to marriage and discourages women from fulfilling that need at least until after marriage. Long-term relationships, however, and marriages in particular, are doomed to failure and subsequent breakup if other needs are not met. A more important need that both men and women would like to see fulfilled, whether they realize it or not, is that need for appreciation by their spouse. Both men and women want love, honor, and respect from their spouse. After all, if your spouse does not look up to you and admire you who will? Perhaps men sometimes exhibit a greater need to be admired by their spouse, but certainly it works both ways. In order for a marriage to be successful long-term, both husband and wife must feel as though they are appreciated and that their needs in every respect are fulfilled. If a woman spends her time focusing on fulfilling the needs of her husband and tries to suppress or ignore her own needs then not only will she be unhappy but, believe it or not, her husband will be unhappy as well. There is just no way that her unhappiness will not be sensed and reflected in him. So while it is certainly a priority to meet the needs of your husband you certainly cannot do so at the expense of your own needs being fulfilled. Always seek a middle ground where effort can be placed on both your needs and your spouse’s needs. When both spouses are willing to work in the marriage with this attitude success is highly probable and divorce is remote. So do not lay awake at night wondering why men leave their wives but instead focus on meeting the needs of your husband without sacrificing the fulfillment of your own. By Will Scott |
